I wonder if I was meant for you.

Has suicidal ever crossed your mind?

It's like, when you're given a chance to die, you tend to think twice and want to survive; you refuse. Because there's so much left for you to do. Then you think again, would things be different if you die?

But when you're not given that chance, you tend to think of commiting suicide even more. Because your life is filled with nothing but problems. You feel all alone and have no one else to have to turn to. You think suicide would help you solve everything.

Then again.. I must admit, I've thought of it many times. When I was only 10. Too young you'd say. Well, to me being a teenager isn't easy nor fun. But, I wouldn't say that my life sucks. I mean, there's many others who's barely surviving and yet trying to fight its way through life and I here, sitting down holding a knife on my right hand wanting to commit suicide. But I must say, there are things in life which can't be resolved.

There are times where I wish to die and pray so hard that one day I'd just leave all these problems. But then again, I would want to know the outcome. Would they be sad? Would they regret? Would they feel sorry? or would they be even happier without having me around? and by then, it's too late to even look back.

I have yet to learn to appreciate life. To wanting to survive this stage and see my future.
Like Mitch Albom's book on 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. In this book, Morrie said to Mitch 'I have nothing to look back at. I leave here in peace because I have nothing left. I feel content with all the years. If God wants this for me, I'm sure he has a really good reason to it and because I have nothing to regret. I leave here in peace" (something like that) He's happy to leave because he has nothing to regret about.

I guess He has His reasons.